june beats

June 2, 2016 - Daily Notes, From the Editor

I have a date this weekend. The kind with live music and most likely a bit of bourbon. The kind that matters. And also doesn't. Except when it does. I will probably wear boots.

We go around in circles. I think everyone does. Earth flirts with the sun, leaning in a little closer, tipping away, then returning again in June. Love usually comes back around. If we have done our work, if we are willing to be grounded and vulnerable, and if we pay attention, we see the truth: It is always changing.

"What are you noticing in your body right now?" she asks with a soft smile. She holds my gaze and I close my eyes. It always comes down to this. No matter how many ways I weave my mind through a situation searching for words to resolve it into a story I can tell with a beginning and end, the truest answers never come from inside my head.

So I place one hand on my heart and feel it beating. I had not noticed how it was feeling until this very moment. Like touching a spot of flesh so sensitive it can detect the slightest change in pressure, the smallest shift in temperature. The rawness of loving another human is a thing I often find myself trying to either choreograph away from or steel myself to brace against. It is always a relief to be reminded I cannot.

The beat was like this: June-is-here. June-is-here. June-is-here. Life-is-here. Life-is-here. Life-is-here. 

"My heart feels tender," I replied. "I hadn't noticed that before. My belly feels nervous and excited, like butterflies. Somewhere in between these spaces I can feel my own strength. It is centered and upright and calm and assured."

I opened my eyes. 

"So that is how you feel," she mirrored. "That is what is true."

A tear came then, with a broad smile.

June hearts beat true. We must simply pause to listen. Let them be tender, nervous, excited and strong. For we are all of these things and more. We are always changing.